Anxiety

Addicted to Spider Solitaire

Even if I'm not playing it, I'm thinking about it. Thinking about not playing it. And how I want to play it but I shouldn't be playing it. That I thought of it but want to forget I thought of it. That it keeps coming back so I will let myself play a little later if I can just finish this sentence. Or finish up my hour of writing. But then I'm playing it and not wanting to stop.

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Just want to try one more trick to solve this game. I can do this and then stop. But that didn't work and now I see something else that I think will work. Yes. But no, wait. Let me go back to the beginning of the game and start again and see if I can geta different pattern and have more options at this point in the game. Damn no. That didn't work. Let me back up a little and try again a different way.

Shit. It's been an hour and I'm still staring at these cards. I need to get breakfast. Oh and I haven't gotten very far in my writing yet. I still have chunk to do. And there are my morning pages that I haven't done yet. And there is my reading. I have three book going I want to finish. And I have errands to run and now I probably won't get to all of them before lunch. Damn.